March 5: Lent

Today begins the season of Lent.  It's a time for Christians to prepare ourselves for Good Friday and the journey to the cross.  Many people during this season give up something.  I love this time of year.  It's a time to pause and reflect.  It's a time to prepare my heart for this upcoming season.  Lent also seems to happen in a crazy time of the academic year.  Things are busy with projects, or programs, ... or this little book report.  Anyway, I've bee thinking about what to sacrifice during this season.  Sugar?  Coffee?  Right, that's not even a serious option right now.  And as I began thinking about giving up (or taking something on, which I have often done in the past), I began thinking about how my time feels so precious right now.  The days are counting down until graduation.  I'm trying to finish this little dissertation.  Time is precious and of the essence.  Aside from exercise being one of the first things to go when I get busy and stressed (yes, I know it helps relieve stress, but ... whatever, why am I justifying it) is time reading, meditating, and praying.  Often I'll still find a few minutes to get on facebook, but I won't open my bible.  Therefore, during this crazy busy time, and in this season of Lent I am making it a priority to give of what feels very precious to me... my time.  This d365 is a simply devotion that goes through an item to have you pause, listen, think, pray, and go.  I like it because of it's simplicity and profoundness.  I am setting aside time each day to walk through these entries.

Jesus, take my time, draw me closer to you as I prepare and journey to the cross.  Guide me.  Reveal yourself more to me.  May this journey to the cross make me more like you, an my may life draw others to you and your deep love.

February 4: Rollercoaster

Yesterday morning I went to the doctor because I was having a strange pressure in my right side.  Back in 2011, the drs found a cyst on my left ovary and the ovary and tube needed to be removed as it had taken over my ovary.  Fast forward to yesterday when the doctor told me she felt a mass in my ovary, note the only one I have left.  I held it together in the office but burst into tears many times throughout the day.  The doctor isn't sure what she felt specifically and in order to be cautious, she scheduled more tests to be run on Friday.

It's really hard not to borrow worry, and I have been praying for peace.  Needless to say that's a difficult thing for me, not to worry.  What does this mean?  What if I have to have surgery, or worse? Anyway, God showed up in a very big and unexpected way yesterday.  Near the end of the day I got a call from Texas State and ... they offered me the job!

I would have done kartwheels if I knew how.  I just felt like the institution, people, and program were such a good fit.  All this to say, it's really hard to worry when you are also really excited.  It was a rollercoaster of a day full of almost every emotion.  Thank you, thank you Jesus for this blessing and I ask that you continue to show up in amazing ways on Friday as I go for more tests.

Government Shutdown

You may be confused about what's going on with the government shutdown...you're not alone.  If you've been on social media recently you've seen all sorts of individuals' opinions on the government shutdown.  Although this isn't the first time this has happened in history, it has very real impact on a variety of people.  The Women, Infants, and Children (WIC) program is just one example of a group impacted.  WIC is afraid they may not have enough money to feed people if the shutdown goes on longer than a few weeks.  Many others are being forced to take furlough days, thus they won't be getting paid during this shutdown.  All this to say, just because you may not see the immediate impact on your life, doesn't mean this doesn't have very real consequences for people.

Moreover, the government will have to make decisions on the debt ceiling on October 17th.  Again, there are many thoughts on either side of this discussion, and regardless, there will be an impact.

I'm not sure where I fall on these, frankly I haven't done enough research.  However, my heart aches for those who are deeply impacted by this shutdown, particularly when those in Congress who are battling are not directly impacted.  They still get paid as they are seen as essential personnel.  And I get it...and in the same breath, I don't.

I'm also reminded, again, that I need to do a better job of praying for the leaders of this country!

Pastor Wayne

When we lived in Stockton, we went to a church of the Nazarene that was lead by pastor Wayne.  I grew up in that church.  I don't keep in contact with many of my friends from my childhood, but there are some who I am 'friends' with on facebook.

Anyway, last night as I tossed and turned and prayed for sleep, I got a text from my sister that pastor Wayne had gone missing.  Apparently he and some others were out in the woods, they each went out to scout, and Wayne never came back.  When it got dark, they alerted the sherif, and by evening they were sending out search parties.

Since I was awake, I used that opportunity to pray.

I don't know when I feel asleep but it was somewhere in the midst of prayer.  I slept deeply.  When I awoke, I almost immediately checked facebook. 

He was found.

At 1:45am, the search and rescue found him with a sprained ankle sitting on a slab of granite rock.  I'm guessing it wasn't intentionally poetic, but how iconic that Jesus is our rock and foundation.

And maybe, just maybe I was restless last night so that I could join with other saints in prayers.

Awake & Restless

Every now and then I have restless nights where I cannot sleep despite my body telling me I'm tired. This lack of sleep is usually due to my inability to shut off my brain. Tonight is one of those nights.

I had an unusual incident happen in class where a student (inappropriately) challenged me in front of the class. I've been replaying the choices I had in that moment. Additionally there's lots on my mind with my interim role, a conference coming up, my sister coming in town, an upcoming job search, this dissertation, and a whole slew of other things. It's in these moments when I feel most uncertain that I often find myself inpatient and trying desperately control my circumstances.

It's also in these moments that I pray, often the Jesus prayer.  It's liturgical, centering, and  a prayer of the heart (what Paul refers to when he speaks about praying without ceasing). It's also a reminder of my humanity and God's divinity.

Lord Jesus Christ, son of God
Have mercy on me a sinner.

Lord Jesus Christ, son of God
Have mercy on me a sinner. 

Lord Jesus Christ, son of God
Have mercy on me a sinner. 

...and please bring peace to my mind and spirit.

Amen.

Prayer and Fasting

Tomorrow is an important day...and I'm not referring to the Georgia v. South Carolina game.  Syria's civil war has been in the news, but has elevated in the last few weeks with the allegations of chemical warfare.  I've tried to educate myself on the situation, but frankly there are too many voices and opinions and it's hard to separate the truth.  Regardless, the United States and other countries have been discussing their potential involvement.  It appears many countries want someone to step in, but none are eager to enter a war.  As countries rally and discuss options, Pope Francis has called for a day of prayer and fasting on Saturday, September 7th for peace in Syria.

As Rachel Held Evans said
When it's just to big...
All that's left is prayer and fasting.
Lord have mercy, Christ have mercy.
All that's left are tears and ash.
Lord have mercy, Christ have mercy.
All that's left is to acknowledge your smallness.
Lord have mercy, Christ have mercy.
All that's left is to sit in quiet with the world and beg for peace, wisdom, and clear paths.
Lord have mercy, Christ have mercy.

Please consider joining in prayer and fasting for peace in Syria and for wisdom and direction for our leaders.

Interim Associate Director Position

Two weeks ago today, I was approached with what seemed like an unusual proposition.  After searching for an Associate Director of Student Life for International Student Life (yep, true title) at UGA, I was told they were going fail the search, reconvene in the fall, and they wanted to know if I'd be interested in serving as the interim for the fall semester.

What an honor to be asked, right?!  But now what?!  Well, I asked for a day or two to consider the offer... and I prayed.  I also talked to wise counsel including a couple friends, my family, and my supervisor, Jan.  Jan, the supervisor who I just love working with, and by taking this position I'd move under different supervision.

I weighed all the pros and cons and as I became more and more excited about the opportunity, my prayer became, "God, if you don't want me to take this, close the door."  I prayed this because I knew there were things that would still need to be worked out (i.e., working and school, and I live on campus...and making sure I could still live on campus).  On Thursday, I spoke with TW (who would be my supervisor) and told him I was indeed interested.  We then got to working on details.  Friday we exchanged the information we found out and came up with many possibilities that just weren't seeming to work out.

The problem is that when you work full time, you have to be on a tuition assistance program (TAP) in order to get your credits paid for.  Apparently, it was going to take the Board of Regents signing off on it to make it happen for the fall semester.  This was clearly not an option.  We then discussed me not registering for courses.  This also was not an option.  We talked about me registered for 6 units and them paying me more to accomodate this.  This ended up being more of a headache too.  Meaningwhile, in talking with others one of my biggest concerns was having time to continue working on my dissertation.  Mallory suggested I try to negotiate for 30 hours a week.  I thought this was a wonderful idea, but frankly, I wasn't sure TW would go for it.

Friday at 3pm, TW and I meet to discuss options and he had an offer.  What he proposed was that they bump my assistantship up from 13 hours a week to 20 hours, I work 30 hours a week, and they pay me the extra hours I work in the fall throughout the spring semester.

I almost sat in awe...but jumped at the offer!  I almost teared up sitting in his office thinking about how God provided this opportunitiy, and the flexibility of 30 hours a week, even without me asking.  Furthermore, as much as it is a wonderful opportunity, and a resume filler, it also is a financial blessing as my car transmission is on the fritz, not to mention all the extra costs associated with my final year of this PhD program.  Again, God provides.

After accpeting, I then went to speak with Jan about it!  The next part is where I really did cry.  After talking with Jan, there was some confusion about how the money would work out.  She trusted TW to be fair, but wanted to make sure I was being compensated.  Long story short, her and another colleague began crunching numbers to make sure what I was offered was comparable to working full time.  For me, the tears came as I realized just how much these people cared about me.  I have loved working with them, and frankly not working with Jan this semester was on the list of cons.  But to see their care and concern for me was moving.  Luckily, in the spring, I will go back to my assistantship and work with them again!

So last Monday, August 12th, I started my role as Interim Associate Director of Student Life for International Student Life.

Little did I know that three days later the division of student affairs would go through a reorganization, I'd get a title bump, and become part of the Vice Presidents leadership team.

But that's another story for another day.

Ephesians 3:14-21

For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith.  And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord's holy people to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge- that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever. Amen.

Major Life Change #3.2

On Tuesday I had a pre-op appointment for my upcoming surgery.  Yes folks, it's official.  September 14th at 10:30am (EST) I will be having surgery to remove my left ovary.  The pre-op appointment lasted four hours (yes, I typed that right).  During that FOUR hour appointment I had my finger pricked for iron, peed in a cup (twice), had three viles of blood drawn, a chest x-ray, and an EKG.  They also had a nice woman (Maggie) come in and present me with a goodie bag.  The goodie bag is filled with four different types of things to 'flush' my system the day before...fun. :/  The highlight of the appointment was the anesthesiologist...he was cute.  But not cute enough to discount all the other discomfort I went through ;)  But gotta look on the bright side, right?! 

So I will go into the hospital at 9am on Wednesday morning...oh and I can't get sick between now and then (and everyone seems to be getting sick).  From there they'll prep me for surgery.  The anesthesiologist said I may be under general anesthesia or maybe a spinal (like an epidural), but that will be decided on Wednesday between me and the dr.'s.  I will stay overnight in the hospital at least one night, maybe two.

The doctor seems to think I will be just fine to travel 10 days later for my grandpa's memorial service.  I am hoping and praying he's right.  The doctor said that part of recovery is mental and that I need to prepare myself for the pain.  To be honest, I don't know that I have much mental capacity right now.  Thus, this is a great opportunity for God to show up in a big way :)  Here is my list of prayer requests:

Wisdom for the doctors during the surgery
That my other ovary is perfectly healthy (no cysts, no nothing)
Pleading with God for strength (mental & physical) to make it through this
That I will feel peace leading up to the surgery

I am sure there are others too, and I covet your prayers during this time.  I know I serve a God who is bigger than all of this (death, grief, surgery).

Psalm 18:2
The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge. He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.

Psalm 22:24
For he has not despised or disdained the suffering of the afflicted one; he has not hidden his face from her but has listened to her cry for help.

Matthew 6:25-34
That is why I tell you not to worry about everyday life—whether you have enough food and drink, or enough clothes to wear. Isn’t life more than food, and your body more than clothing? Look at the birds. They don’t plant or harvest or store food in barns, for your heavenly Father feeds them. And aren’t you far more valuable to him than they are? Can all your worries add a single moment to your life? And why worry about your clothing? Look at the lilies of the field and how they grow. They don’t work or make their clothing, yet Solomon in all his glory was not dressed as beautifully as they are. And if God cares so wonderfully for wildflowers that are here today and thrown into the fire tomorrow, he will certainly care for you. Why do you have so little faith? So don’t worry about these things, saying, ‘What will we eat? What will we drink? What will we wear?’These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers, but your heavenly Father already knows all your needs. Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need. So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today.

Major Life Change #2.2

So after almost six months of grieving the loss of my relationship with Shelton, with lots of prayer, love, and support, I felt like I was in a decent place...and then I got a call from a dear friend.  She started asking unusual questions about where I was, who I was with, how long I'd be there...you know the kind; the kind that mean something has happened and your friend wants to know that you're in a place to hear it.

Well, I finally made her spit it out.  My gut blurted out, "does it have something to do with Shelton, is he dating someone?"  She paused and then replied, "well, he's engaged." 

My heart sank.  What?  Really?  There weren't many other details she knew other than he had been dating her 'on and off' for seven years.  Questions filled my mind and my heart hurt.  I was confused, a bit angry, but really more hurt than anything else.  Hurt because the timeline seemed so quick, hurt because he didn't have the decency to tell me, and really hurt because in the back of my heart, I had secretly hoped after some time, he would realized what a great thing he had lost in me.

Ironically enough, the morning before I got the news I was in the shower crying and pleading God to take away my desire for him.  Not that I believe God orchestrated this (fill in the expletive) situation, but I do believe (and cling to) that he works all things together for good (hopefully my good included).  Additionally, I just heard a MercyMe song, that is now on repeat.  The lyrics are my prayer.  Please continue to pray for me as I wrestle with so many emotions (hurt, doubt, fear, frustration) and also as I seek to find closure and healing.

Move by MercyMe
I'm not about to give up
Because I heard you say
There's gonna be brighter days
There's gonna be brighter days
I wont stop, Ill keep my head up
No, I'm not here to stay
There's gonna be brighter days
There's gonna be brighter days

I just might bend but wont break
As long as I can see your face

[Chorus]
When life wont play along
And right keeps going wrong
And I cant seem to find my way
I know where I am found
So I wont let it drag me down
Oh, I'll keep dancing anyway

I'm gonna move (move)
I'm gonna move (move)
I'm gonna move

Ive got to hold 'er steady
Keep my head in the cage
Everything is about to change
Everything is about to change

This hurt is getting heavy
But I'm not about to cave
Everything's about to change
There's gonna be brighter days

I just might bend but wont break
As long as I can see your face

[Chorus]

No matter what may come
Gotta move to a different drum
No matter what life brings
Gotta move gotta move to a different beat [x2]

I just might bend but wont break
As long as I can see your face

Major Life Changes #1-3

Lord, help me to believe in beginnings.

The last 416 days have been a struggle.  Although there have been some high moments, they have often been accompanied by sadness, grief, loss, and pain.  I know this PhD journey is a long and treacherous path, but if the next two years are anything like this last one...with all the major life changes (MLC), I think I may throw in the towel. 

And yet, most of this pain, sadness, grief, and loss have nothing to do with the PhD program.  When I first moved here, I went through the normal transitional issues (loosing professional identity, making new friends, becoming a student) not to mention the struggle to simply get out here (remember this?).  From there, my grandfather was diagnosed with terminal cancer in early August.  (MLC #1) This was hard for me to reconcile.  I was angry and frustrated with doctors who didn't find the cancer earlier.  The Lord, however, was gracious and gave many opportunities to visit with my grandpa before he went to be with Jesus in July.

As I mentioned earlier, there were also joys throughout this last year.  I moved to Athens in a committed relationship to someone I worked with and had been seeing during my last semester at Baylor.  During that time of transition he was extremely gracious and supporting.  Although we knew distance would be a struggle, we were both committed to the relationship.  However, in November, I felt like our communication began to suffer.  It was difficult to connect, but when we did, it was good!  The holidays brought more challenges as he was in Texas and I was in California and Oregon.  Shortly into the spring semester, we had some good conversations about the direction of our relationship.  Although I was feeling the stress of distance and other factors, he was quick to affirm me and the priority that both I and our relationship held....then February came and things crumbled very quickly.  I wanted so desperately to believe his intentions, but his actions and words didn't align.  It was one of the hardest things I had to do, but I broke up with him while he was out in Atlanta for a conference (MLC#2).  The months after were somewhat disastrous.  It was hard to focus, hard to concentrate, and hard to grieve the loss of a long-term relationship that had marriage potential. 

Then a few weeks ago, after my tests to determine my tailbone pain, they discovered a dermoid cyst.  The cyst (most likely) has nothing to do with my tailbone, but is serious enough to put the tailbone pain on the back burner.  The cyst is about the size of an egg and resides in my ovary.  The most recently doctor I saw wants to remove my entire ovary (MCL #3).  At word of this, I began to cry.  I asked him about chances for getting pregnant in the future.  The conversation went like this:

Me:What does this mean for having kids?
Dr: Are you trying to get pregnant?
Me: No
Dr: Are you married?
Me: No
Dr: Are you just thinking long term?
Me: I just wanna keep my options open

Although this conversation makes the Dr. out to sound insensitive, I think he was actually trying to be understanding.  From here, he said that my other ovary should kick in and I should still have no problem getting pregnant (minus other factors; thyroid, age, etc).  We talked about lots of other medical type things and scheduled the surgery for September 14th (as of now).  This may change as I am suppose to be on a plane 10 days later for my grandpa's memorial service...I should know more after my Tuesday appointment.

All this to say, this year has been rough and filled with many major life changing moments.  And through it all, there are many songs and verses that have been reminders of God's faithfulness to me throughout this extremely trying year.  I know and believe God will work all things together for his good, and yet...I am SO ready for this year to be behind me and to welcome in a new one. 

Lord, help me to believe in beginnings.

Quick Update & Prayer Request

On Tuesday, I went to the doctor to have the MRI read.  To my surprise, the MRI revealed a cyst.  It's pretty amazing they found the cyst before it began causing me any pain (it's about 2.3 inches around) and a little shocking.  From there the doctors worked with me to scheduled ultrasounds and other appoitments to determine additional information.  After meeting with the obgyn, and after having the radiologist read the ultrasounds, they recommended I see a surgeon to have the cyst removed. 

Again, a bit of a shock.

But since Tuesday, I've had lots of people praying and I've had peace.  The doctors are pretty confident it's benign, although it is an unusual type of cyst.  I have an appointment scheduled for the 30th with a surgeon.  Depending on the type of surgery it's a 2-4 week recovery.  It's very inconvinient, but what a blessing that it was found before it caused pain or worse...burst. 

Please pray for my appointment on the 30th, that the less invasive procedure is an option or surgery, that it can be done quickly (as the semester will get more complicated), and that God will use this to bring him glory in some way. 

There are so many ways I've seen God go ahead of me in this situation already.  This is no surprise to Him even if it was to me!

California Dreaming

This weekend, I flew out to California to spend some time with my grandparents. Additionally, my sister found a flight and was able to join the party. We had a wonderful visit with our grandparents.

Here are some pictures from the (quick) wonderful trip.
On Sunday, my aunt, uncles, and cousins also joined for lunch. While my cousin was there, she fashioned her new work outfit. After she left, my grandma fashioned the jacket she got when she was up in Portland last time visiting my mom & sister. She needed a little coaxing, but came out parading the coat. :)
While sitting around eating dessert, my grandpa was looking at pictures on my sisters iPhone, amazed by all the things it could do.
We had to leave early Monday morning in order for my sister to catch her flight out of San Francisco. Unfortunately, both grandma & grandpa were in bed, which we thought might be the case, so we said goodbyes Sunday evening.

My dad took us to the airport on Monday. Since there was a bit of time between my sisters flight and mine, we went to Pier 39, ate sea food, visited with my Aunt Laura & Uncle Robert, and of course made a stop at In-N-Out before heading to the airport.

Although the trip was quick, I know I was extremely blessed to have been able to spend the weekend with my grandparents. Not only was the timing perfect, I was able to find a flight for around $350 with a weeks notice. Amazing. I know I am blessed to have almost 30 years of memories with my grandparents, and call me selfish, but I hope and pray that I have many many more to come!

Grandpa Update

Last Friday my grandpa went in for a PET scan to determine if the cancer had spread. If it had they were going to cancel the surgery scheduled for this coming Monday. The doctors said if they didn't hear anything, that it meant the surgery was a go.

On Thursday, my grandpa went in for a blood transfusion as the cancer is causing him to loose blood. Still no word on canceling the surgery. No news is good news.

Well, yesterday they let him know that there was something unusual about the scan and that they want to do a biopsy of his lymph nodes before they remove the cancer.

So on Thursday, they will do a biopsy and then determining a course of action.

I'm not even sure how to pray. Selfishly I want him around for many more years, healthy years. So I pray for healing and wisdom for the doctors. But I don't want him in pain. And I know that this is part of life. No one lives forever. So I just pray that God uses any outcome.

It just sucks.

post surgery!

i survived! today is Thursday, January 24th and I am happy to say that I am done with surgery! although I was becoming quite fond of my lump, I'm glad it's gone and that the surgery is behind me.  I was admitted to the hospital on Tuesday morning at 5:45am...wowzer!  the woman who checked me in was a hoot.  Between her jacket, beanie babies, mugs, and music...all in dedication to Elvis, I felt as though I was checking into a museum.  After taking all my information she gave me an identification armband...standard for any hospital, however, the next item she gave me was a little less orthodox....a tracking device.  Yep, that's right.  They scanned the tracking device and then placed it too around my wrist.  I was told this was so they can monitor where I am at any given time.  Maybe they know I'm a chicken and thought I'd try to run away :)  From there I was went up to out patient surgery and was checked into room 223...then the waiting began.  At 6:30am a nurse came into let me know what would be happening.  She said around 7:30 someone would take me to the prep room, from there they would give me an IV and get me ready for surgery.  Before then, I had to slip into a gown, and remove all my jewelry.  This was harder than I thought.  About three years ago I had my cartilage pierced and until the 22nd of January, had never removed the earring.  Well, they wouldn't wheel me off until I removed it.  Two nurses, another random, and Karen Hall (the hall director who went with me) all attempted to help get it out...finally Karen succeeded and I was off to surgery!  Arriving in the 'recovery room' (pre-op) I waited again.  Soon a nurse and the anesthesiologist were by my bedside preparing to stick me with all sorts of needles.  The nurse looked at all my veins attempting to find the best one.  Usually having good veins, I didn't see this as a problem.  However, when they ask you not to eat or drink prior to surgery, apparently your veins shrink.  So the first attempt was at my wrist.  She first did a local anesthetic (which hurt), but then the actual IV line didn't because the site was numb.  Unfortunately, she couldn't get the IV line to float into the vein, so she had to remove it and try again in another location.  The second one was successful!  WOOHOO!  One of the anesthesiologists then came over and spoke to me about the process and asked about my nervousness.  I said I was a bit nervous and he asked if I wanted a shot of tequila.  Well...whatever he put in my IV was fabulous.  I didn't have a care in the world!  I just wish they could have given me whatever it was in pill format the night before! :)  Anyway...soon I was wheeled off to the surgery room.  From there the doctors moved me onto another table (which was freezing cold) and placed a mask on me.  The anesthesiologist was talking to me about this, that, and the other, then had me raise my right arm (which I had to think about for a bit)...I remember my arm being up for a bit and then I remember slowly waking up in the recovery room.  The nurse said my vitals were good and that they'd be moving me back to the normal room.  At this point I was stiff but not in any pain.  Shortly after returning to the room, the pain hit.  My throat was sore and I felt as though it needed to be cleared, and my neck was in more pain when I would cough.  The nurse came in about an hour later, had me take some crackers and said when I finished them I could get some vicodin...I ate those crackers like no other!  :)  She said the vicodin should make me comfortable and that I should have felt the effects in 20 minutes.  Well, 35 minutes later, I was still in pain, so another vicodin was issued on the hour.  Well... about 2 hours later...finally some relief.  The vicodin kicked in!  At that point, the nurses let me know that after I could accomplish a few easy tasks (peeing on my own and keeping liquids down), they could release me.  I was surprised!  It sounded as though I'd be going home shortly!  WOOHOO!  So about 3pm, I was on my way home!  In and out! :)  I wish I could say this meant that I was feeling fantastic, but I wasn't...but at least I was on my way home!  

today's now Friday and I'm in little to no pain.  However, I am still sore and I fatigue easily.  There are other fun stories related to this experience and I'll have to share them later...cause I'm out for now... nap time! :) 

been awhile

I know that many of you have been wondering and asking about my thyroid
and how things are going, here's a recap:

September: went to the doctor for my foot, he found a mass on my
thyroid, from there had an ultrasound
October: had a biopsy done (showing no abnormal cells)
November: had more tests run, another attempt to drain the
cyst...surgery was recommended
December: saw an endocrinologist who also recommended surgery

This brings me to yesterday.  Yesterday, I saw Dr. Lowder.  He was
fabulous!  He was personable, answered ALL my questions, and was very
knowledgeable and reassuring.  After talking for awhile, we scheduled
the surgery...for this next Tuesday (the 15th).  Although it seems
rather soon, it's probably a very good thing.  I won't have much time to
worry :)  Truly, I have had a peace about this...and from this freaked
out of needles individual...that can ONLY be a God thing. 

So this is what it will look like:
Tuesday morning at 5:45am, I will be admitted to Providence Hospital.
The surgery itself probably won't happen until 8am...oh how I love
waiting!  At that time, they will remove the right half of my thyroid.
While he's in there, he'll also check out my left side to see if he can
find any of the tiny tiny cysts...if he can, he'll also remove those.
The surgery itself should be less than an hour.  At that point they'll
move me back to a 'normal' room and allow me to recover.  When I wake
up, he said I shouldn't be in too much pain.  My throat will be sore
(from the tube they put down my throat for surgery), my neck will
obviously be sore...and I'll be on pain meds :)  At that point the
doctors will play it by ear.  He said that if I'm feeling okay by the
end of the evening, I can go home!  I am really hoping (and praying) for
this!  I have no desire to stay in a hospital any longer than necessary!
The recovery time depends on the surgery and as long as there aren't
complications, I should be feeling better by the end of the week.  He
mentioned that the biggest compliant about the surgery was general aches
and tiredness.  Overall, he said if one has to have surgery, this isn't
a bad one to have.

So...I would love it if you would pray for me (and my nerves) as I
anticipate the surgery, that everything would go quickly and smoothly
during surgery, that I'd be allowed to sleep in my own bed that night,
and that I would recover quickly and to full health (no more of this
thyroid business)...and/or anything else you would like to pray would
also be appreciated! :)  I trust that the Lord will use this experience,
as I hope he already has, to bring glory to him!  THANK YOU for your
prayers and support!

yet another visit

So on Monday, the 12th, I went back to the surgeon. He's decided enough is enough and he wants to remove the cyst and the right half of my thyroid. He wants to do this before Christmas, however, I have an appointment on December 5th with the endocrinologist (for a second opinion). All this to say, things are still pretty up in the air. I was really hoping and praying that draining it would take care of the problem. But ultimately he's concerned because it keeps coming back and apparently there is no absolute way to be sure that it's not cancerous unless you remove it. So...I'd appreciate your prayers for wisdom and guidance for the doctors as they try to figure this out and the same for me as I have to make decisions about surgeons, hospitals, etc, etc, etc. Thanks!

Late Posting

I went to the doctor the other day and got some great news…the cyst was indeed just that, a thyroid colloid nodule (cyst). Praise the Lord, what great news! In the same appointment, I also found out that the cavity is filling again, meaning, the cyst is back. What the dr hopes is that if we drain it a few more times, it will eventually stop filling and we can avoid surgery. My question is why is my thyroid doing this in the first place…so I hope to see and endocrinologist (thyroid specialist) and see what she recommends. Maybe his try it and see is the best course of action. Anyway, all that to say, although I am not excited about the thought of having my neck poked with needles again and again, I am very thankful that there were no abnormalities with the fluid…again, thank the Lord! Thank you for all your prayers!

Today's Highlights!

I just wanted to share the highlights of my day (thus far) with you!

Beginning with last week:
On Wednesday, the referral specialist called me with an appointment with a surgeon (Dr. Turney). The appointment was scheduled for this morning at 10am. When I called the surgeons office to get directions, I asked how long the procedure (FNA test) would take. She assured me that it would simply be a consultation. Not having full confidence in her or her ability to determine if it would be a consultation or FNA test, I called back the next day. That day, I spoke with another woman who also assured me that it was just a consultation. (uh huh…)

So today:
Karen Hall (one of the other hall directors) accompanied me to the appointment, in order to insure I was well taken care of; just in case they decided to start sticking me with needles. So we get there around 10, after having a little driving tour of another medical building. I begin filling out endless paperwork signing away my life.

At 10:50 we finally head back to see the doctor. As standard procedure goes, they take my weight, temperature, and of course, my blood pressure. The nurse straps on the cuff and it tightens. The pressure begins to release and…just kidding, tightens again…and again…and again. Four attempts on the right arm and three on the left and we finally have a blood pressure rate!

After going into the room, we wait again. The doctor finally comes in at 11:10ish. At that point he looks at my neck, feels around, and bluntly states that he will be performing the FNA test today. So sure enough, I panic a little. He tries to be very calming but he obviously doesn’t know my distaste for needles! He assures me it’s only going to feel like a prick and is trying to keep me occupied while they get the supplies ready. I lay back on the table and close my eyes trying to focus on my breathing and Karen’s jokes. As the doctor approaches the table he begins talking to me again at which point I opened my eyes…yikes…I looked at the doctor holding a needle in his hand. As Karen informed me later, that was only the numbing needle. Needless to say I kept my eyes closed for the rest of the procedure. So…it wasn’t the end of the world, however, definitely tricked, I felt the other (much larger needle according to Karen) go into my neck and stay there. The good news is that the lump is gone. He decided to drain the entire cyst at once. The bad news was that while they were draining the cyst, the vile filled and I had to sit and wait (with the needle in my neck) while the nurse prepared another vile to drain the remainder of the cyst. After all was said and done I took a look at the lovely liquid drained. It was brown black…which apparently is a good thing.

So now what?! I have to go back on Thursday, October 18th for a follow up…which hopefully means just that. At that time, they should also have the results and let me know how to proceed. I ask that you continue to pray for peace as I wait for these test results (more waiting, woohoo). And I thank you all for your prayers during this time.