March 5: Lent

Today begins the season of Lent.  It's a time for Christians to prepare ourselves for Good Friday and the journey to the cross.  Many people during this season give up something.  I love this time of year.  It's a time to pause and reflect.  It's a time to prepare my heart for this upcoming season.  Lent also seems to happen in a crazy time of the academic year.  Things are busy with projects, or programs, ... or this little book report.  Anyway, I've bee thinking about what to sacrifice during this season.  Sugar?  Coffee?  Right, that's not even a serious option right now.  And as I began thinking about giving up (or taking something on, which I have often done in the past), I began thinking about how my time feels so precious right now.  The days are counting down until graduation.  I'm trying to finish this little dissertation.  Time is precious and of the essence.  Aside from exercise being one of the first things to go when I get busy and stressed (yes, I know it helps relieve stress, but ... whatever, why am I justifying it) is time reading, meditating, and praying.  Often I'll still find a few minutes to get on facebook, but I won't open my bible.  Therefore, during this crazy busy time, and in this season of Lent I am making it a priority to give of what feels very precious to me... my time.  This d365 is a simply devotion that goes through an item to have you pause, listen, think, pray, and go.  I like it because of it's simplicity and profoundness.  I am setting aside time each day to walk through these entries.

Jesus, take my time, draw me closer to you as I prepare and journey to the cross.  Guide me.  Reveal yourself more to me.  May this journey to the cross make me more like you, an my may life draw others to you and your deep love.

February 10: Blessings

I am continually grateful for the ways in which God shows up.  Last week after a really stressful doctors appointment, I got a call from Texas State offering me a job.  Today, as I waited for test results, I received flowers and a card from Jan letting me know she was praying that God would show up in a big way.  Today was kind of a blessing in and of itself as I was busy with budget meetings (and lunch for Laurel's birthday) so I couldn't be too focused on a phone call.  Anyway, I received a call near the end of the day that my preliminary test results had come back clear!  The final test will come back in a few days, but they said the initial results are 95% accurate.  They mentioned I should follow up with my primary as there may be something else going on (this odd pressure).  Either way, thank you Jesus for the clear test results and for providing me peace in ways I couldn't imagine.

February 4: Rollercoaster

Yesterday morning I went to the doctor because I was having a strange pressure in my right side.  Back in 2011, the drs found a cyst on my left ovary and the ovary and tube needed to be removed as it had taken over my ovary.  Fast forward to yesterday when the doctor told me she felt a mass in my ovary, note the only one I have left.  I held it together in the office but burst into tears many times throughout the day.  The doctor isn't sure what she felt specifically and in order to be cautious, she scheduled more tests to be run on Friday.

It's really hard not to borrow worry, and I have been praying for peace.  Needless to say that's a difficult thing for me, not to worry.  What does this mean?  What if I have to have surgery, or worse? Anyway, God showed up in a very big and unexpected way yesterday.  Near the end of the day I got a call from Texas State and ... they offered me the job!

I would have done kartwheels if I knew how.  I just felt like the institution, people, and program were such a good fit.  All this to say, it's really hard to worry when you are also really excited.  It was a rollercoaster of a day full of almost every emotion.  Thank you, thank you Jesus for this blessing and I ask that you continue to show up in amazing ways on Friday as I go for more tests.

December 29: A Jesus Church

Today we went to my sisters church for morning service (but the west side).  They've changed their name from Solid Rock to A Jesus Church: west side, or east side, etc.  The sermon was on the first three verses of 1st Thessalonians, particularly the third verse about working in faith, laboring in love, and hope in Jesus.  He challenge us to think about things this year, our responsibilities (whether work, family, etc) and what specific things God wants us to do or focus on this year.  I believe there are many specific things this year: finish dissertation, graduate, get a job.  However, I've also been thinking about the times I feel like I'm suppose to do something (yes, way more subjective) and leaning into the discomfort (or not).  More on this later, as I ponder further.

December 24: Christmas Eve x2

Christmas Eve day I hung out at home, wrapped my final gifts, and nursed my cold.  That evening, we went to two, yes TWO Christmas Eve services (one at my mom's church and one at my sister's church).  Dan did the lights for their church (which were very nice) and there was a candle light portion (which always makes it feel like a Christmas Eve service (asa reminder that Jesus came to be light)).  Then we headed to the Shnitz in downtown Portland for a service.  It was freezing outside, and they didn't let us in until 10:15pm for the 11pm service.  We arrived early to get seats, so thus we waited outside.  Did I mention it was cold?  Did I mention I have a cold?  Good combo ;)  Anyway, the service was worth the wait.  There were some songs, and we read through the birth of Jesus and then John Mark give a mini-sermon.  I always enjoy hearing him speak; and welcoming in Christmas day through the service was a nice way to celebrate the birth of Jesus.

 

Cozy socks & a blanket.  Life is good.

They also had coffee, hot cocoa, and cookies available at the service. :)
Ps. her church also does this for Sunday services too. :) :)

April

Wow, it's April already.  Lots of things happen in April... my sister's birth, projects due, finals, prep for Africa, a trip to Texas.  I am very excited about this month, but there is also a lot going on and it could becoming overwhelming (quickly).  Thus, I want to remember to take moments to be thankful.

A few weeks ago I had a training at UGA late on a Friday evening.  Since the bus system is less consistent at night, I decided to drive.  Well, I accidently parked in a housing lot that is monitored until 10pm.  I got a ticket.  I got a $40, parking ticket.  Yikes.  Anyway, I felt I had a decent case...it's was after 5pm on a Friday (most other lots are open to the public at that time).  I wrote a nice letter pleading to reverse the charge.

Guess what?!

They did!

Thank you God for caring for the little things in my life!

Quick Update & Prayer Request

On Tuesday, I went to the doctor to have the MRI read.  To my surprise, the MRI revealed a cyst.  It's pretty amazing they found the cyst before it began causing me any pain (it's about 2.3 inches around) and a little shocking.  From there the doctors worked with me to scheduled ultrasounds and other appoitments to determine additional information.  After meeting with the obgyn, and after having the radiologist read the ultrasounds, they recommended I see a surgeon to have the cyst removed. 

Again, a bit of a shock.

But since Tuesday, I've had lots of people praying and I've had peace.  The doctors are pretty confident it's benign, although it is an unusual type of cyst.  I have an appointment scheduled for the 30th with a surgeon.  Depending on the type of surgery it's a 2-4 week recovery.  It's very inconvinient, but what a blessing that it was found before it caused pain or worse...burst. 

Please pray for my appointment on the 30th, that the less invasive procedure is an option or surgery, that it can be done quickly (as the semester will get more complicated), and that God will use this to bring him glory in some way. 

There are so many ways I've seen God go ahead of me in this situation already.  This is no surprise to Him even if it was to me!

Putting Teeth to Sleep

I remember when people asked me about what I'd miss most leaving Waco my standard response was always:

• The people
• My church
• My doctors

Although I have missed my friends, that was absolutely no surprise.  However, I have missed my doctors, truly.  And even though I have a wonderful experience thus far with the University Health Center, I still miss my primary care doctor and my eye doctor.  However, I have found one of the best dentists on the planet!  No really.  It was unlike any dentist experience I've had.  If you wanna check out the website (for kicks and giggles) its www.glennalex.com.  Be prepared, you'll be jealous!

Let me brag about him, for a minute.  The initial visit, his administrative assistant sat me down in a conference room (after offering me coffee, tea, and all sorts of other special drinks) to ask about my past dentist experiences, what kinds of things I wanted from a dentist, and things I was nervous about.  The doctor then came into the conference room we had a brief overview of my previous extras, and then we went to check out my teeth.  He was calming and explained what he was doing throughout the exam.  We then went back into the conference room to talk about my cavities.  He explained in great detail how the cavities formed, why, and even drew pictures.  He wanted to make sure I felt completely comfortable and knowledgable about my teeth.

When I showed up to have my cavities filled I was anxious, however, they had explained to me that they have 'the wand' which makes dentistry pain-free.  Apparently, the most pain comes from the injection of novocaine. He did the topical numbing, and I didn't feel a thing, from start to finish.  I didn't even realize he had already put the needle in (it was apparently so small with a tube attached).  But the computer started beeping, which he said was slowly administering the novocaine which he controlled with a foot pump.  It was unbelievable.  Truly.  I asked how he knew how much novocaine to administer and he said, he'd been putting teeth to sleep for a long time and that it was a calculated amount.  Before he began drilling, he let me know I could put in my headphones and blast them as loud as I wanted.  The whole process was ... almost enjoyable.  He is a gifted dentist (both in trade and  manner). 

Anyway, during a sermon the other day, the woman was talking about how God healed the blind man in three ways, 1st through direct means (the first time), 2nd through direct means (but through repeat measures and petition), and 3rd through spitting in the dirt and rubbing it on the blind mans eyes.  She spoke about how the dirt can symbolize humanity and that God can use humanity to heal the body.

Although they were just cavities, if you remember back to a previous post (extra expenses), I was worried about having them filled.  After 29 years of no cavities...I had multiple and was nervous.  A friend reminded me that God is concerned about all the things in my life, big and small.  And God provided!  He provided a truly phenomenal doctor (and a completely pain-free experience) and although I prayed my cavities would disappear, God worked in another way and am I thankful for all the ways God cares for me!

Questions

Sometimes this life just isn't fair.

I just received word that upon doing the scope, they found the cancer has spread throughout my grandpa's body.

I don't know much more than that at this point. They're going to try and make him as comfortable as possible.

This just sucks, I really didn't expect this would be the outcome.

Grandpa's Surgery

Thank you to those of you who have asked and been praying for my family. I just spoke with my grandparents and my grandpa's surgery is scheduled for this Tuesday, August 24th at 8am (pst).

The surgery will go as follows:

They'll open him up and use a camera to survey the cancerous tumor.

If they find other places where the cancer has spread, they'll close him up and make him comfortable until he leaves this earth.

If they only find the one cancerous tumor (which is what they're expecting to find) then they'll remove it, do some other work, and then patch him up.

My grandparents are in good spirits and trust that God will use whatever outcome for his glory. My grandpa finds every opportunity to share his story of God's love; this is just another opportunity to do that.

I'm obviously praying it's just a cancerous tumor, that it can be removed with ease, for a quick recovery, and to restore my grandpa to full health.

I (and my family) would appreciate your prayers. Thank you.

Mysterious Ways

God works in mysterious ways sometimes.

There are many times I sit in awe of what God is doing. There are other times where I throw my hands up in the air and think, 'what are you doing?'

When I was interviewing for assistantships, I spoke with this woman, Jan. She had an assistantship in her office of assessment. Although I wasn't too thrilled about the position itself (not that the job was bad, just very removed from students, and lots of assessment (which I already knew I'd be doing in the program)) BUT I was extremely excited about the opportunity to work with Jan. For whatever reason, I knew she valued people, would help create the experiences I desired, and would be a wonderful supervisor.

Well, I didn't get that assistantship.

Instead, I have an assistantship working in the student center. Having never worked with any sort of student union, it'll be a good opportunity to learn. Additionally, my office is just down from the dean, I have interaction with some students, and there's the ability to create my own job description (all wonderful things).

So I started on a Tuesday. My supervisor left (I mean left left) on Friday. The next Tuesday, my new supervisor was announced. On Friday, she moved in.

If you haven't guessed it yet...Jan is the interim...and my temporary supervisory. I couldn't have been more thrilled when they announced it!

...

So...God story number 2.

When I was looking for places to live, you may remember I decided to live on campus and the whole hoopla of securing my spot. Well, I had been in contact with this woman Mallory. A friend of mine in the program (Larry-2nd year) had someone in his cohort (Danny) that knew someone (Mallory) who was looking for a roommate too. Random, I know. So Larry put me in contact with Mallory. After a few emails back and forth, it seemed as though we may get along, although how much can you truly know through email. Well, after I had decided to go with on campus housing (and secured a place), I get an email from Mallory saying she's decided to go solo this year (phew). But we agree to meet up for coffee after we're both moved in.

A few weeks ago, Mallory shoots me an email saying she's moving in and that she'd like to schedule coffee. She informs me that she is living in on campus housing. (Insert random laugh here ps she didn't know I was also living on campus) Then she tells me that she's in the building next to mine (Insert confused look and thoughts of where her apartment is)

Literally, I can see her apartment door from mine (when the tree in the courtyard is trimmed).

Mallory and I soon meet up for dinner. Here are some of the things we talk about.

• We both like the outdoors
• She has her master's degree in higher education from UGA so she knows all my program faculty
• She's been working in a leadership development program
• We both finished our masters in 2005
• She's not married and about the same age
• She's a Christian

And the list goes on and on. We joked that we lived parallel lives. But really, it's just another reminder of God's provision for me along this journey.

I was reflecting the other day about this transition as opposed to the last, and surprisingly this one has been smoother. This may be in part because I'm not deathly ill three weeks into moving, but for whatever reason, I'm grateful. I know this journey to PhD will be a tough and long (roughly over 1000 days) road, but I'm so thankful for reminders that God is with me and watching out for all the details.

Grandpa Update

Last Friday my grandpa went in for a PET scan to determine if the cancer had spread. If it had they were going to cancel the surgery scheduled for this coming Monday. The doctors said if they didn't hear anything, that it meant the surgery was a go.

On Thursday, my grandpa went in for a blood transfusion as the cancer is causing him to loose blood. Still no word on canceling the surgery. No news is good news.

Well, yesterday they let him know that there was something unusual about the scan and that they want to do a biopsy of his lymph nodes before they remove the cancer.

So on Thursday, they will do a biopsy and then determining a course of action.

I'm not even sure how to pray. Selfishly I want him around for many more years, healthy years. So I pray for healing and wisdom for the doctors. But I don't want him in pain. And I know that this is part of life. No one lives forever. So I just pray that God uses any outcome.

It just sucks.

Perspective

After writing my previous post, I got in the car and headed to pick up a friend for dinner. A song was playing on the radio. Frankly, I don't remember which one. However, it put things in perspective for me.

My grandpa had a massive heart 'something' (not a stroke and not an attack) my senior year of college, right before graduation. The paramedics spent the entire way to the hospital trying to revive him. The doctors at the hospital continued to try to resuscitate him. After awhile, the head doctor said, let's give it one more try. Miraculously, my grandpa was revived.

He spent the next couple of weeks in the hospital undergoing tests, etc. When my grandpa came to he wasn't very pleased to be here on earth. He told an amazing story about his journey to heaven. Honestly, if it wasn't coming from my grandpa, I'm not sure I'd believe he made a trip to heaven and came back. After moving through frustration and realizing God must have a purpose for bringing him back, he's been a faithful witness of his experience and of God to everyone he comes in contact with.

A couple weeks ago, my grandpa found out he had a mass in his abdomen. After running tests, they found it to be cancerous. The doctors at his hospital don't want to do surgery because of his heart, however, they informed him of a doctor who might be willing at UCDavis.

On Monday, he met with the UCDavis doctor. The prognosis is hopeful. On Friday, they will run a test to see if the cancer has spread. If it has not, then the doctor will preform the surgery to remove the cancer on July 12th. If it has spread, they will try and make him comfortable the remainder of his days on earth.

When my grandpa made a comment about wanting to live, but being content with also meeting Jesus again, the doctor replied, "don't you think God has enough people in heaven and could use you here on earth a little longer?"

My grandpa loves God, but I'm not sure I'm ready to let Him take him yet :)

So listening to the song this evening made me stop and pray for my grandpa. Additionally, the song made me think of the ridiculousness of my last post. I'm not sure God really cares about my teeth or my immunizations, but I do believe he cares because his child cares/worries about those little insignificant details of life.

But even more-so, I care about my grandpa and as I stop to pray for him, I'm reminded that life is a gift, even the seemingly insignificant, frustrating, and stressful parts. :)

Thoughts!

My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going! I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think I am following your will doesn't mean I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you! And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this, you will lead me by the right road though I may know nothing about it. Therefore, I will trust you always, though I may seem lost, and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, you are ever with me and you will never leave me to face my perils alone!

Thomas Merton, Thoughts in Solitude

Praise!

Moving across the country (or world) can be a stressful ordeal. There is usually a laundry list of things to do prior to moving. Here are some of the things on my list, in no particular order.

Get boxes

Sort through everything I own!

Pack

Move (to another apt on campus)

Look for roommate

Find apartment

Choose which large items go to Athens with me

Have a garage sale (this Saturday!)

Plan move

Rent moving trailer

...and another laundry list of things to get ready for school. Anyway, I had been looking for a roommate for awhile with little success. I had even become started looking online for a roommate. Yes, it's probably a bit like online dating only MORE commitment. If you agree to 'be with them' you're committed to a lease...for a year. There were plenty of 19 year old females who wanted to be my roommate and even a 46 year old male. He didn't make the cut, he's a smoker.

After lots of thought and prayers I decided to look into on-campus housing, at least for my first year. The prices were decent enough but come with the perks of proximity to campus, cable (although I don't want much TV), internet, water, garbage, etc. Although it doesn't include electricity, they own their own meters and so electric is a reduced rate.

However, after calling UGA they seemed to think all their apartments had already come available and been spoken for. They simply told me to watch, wait, and stalk the site for openings. As luck would have it, an apartment became available later that day...but alas, when I went to claim it, the site said no records found.

So I did what any sane individual would do, I kept refreshing the page over and over again in hopes that my fate would change. It didn't.

The next morning, I called UGA at 7:07 my time. After stating my plight, the man on the other end said that the system only refreshes itself so often and someone must have snuck in and nabbed it before I did. Okay, well, he didn't say it quite like that but close.

After going about my morning and talking with a colleague about it, we devised a plan. I was going to ask my family to stalk the site as well as have some of my students keep an eye out.

Unfortunately, my plan did not get implemented.

An hour and half after having the conversation with my colleague I was online and securing my spot in UGA campus housing. Thank you Lord! It was the price I was looking for, has carpet, and is on the first floor.

Again, thank the Lord! What a blessing to have this item off my checklist.

I will be moving into my new home on July 14th.

Cards from Jesus

When my mom first moved to Portland, she began getting cards from Jesus. These letters came from all over the country and were a source of encouragement for my mom as she transitioned to a new place. When I was home, I scrapbooked the cards into frames. These frames will be hung by ribbon in her hallway as a reminder.

It was a fun project, and I was VERY pleased with the way they turned out! :) I cannot wait to see them hanging on the wall!

Late Posting

I went to the doctor the other day and got some great news…the cyst was indeed just that, a thyroid colloid nodule (cyst). Praise the Lord, what great news! In the same appointment, I also found out that the cavity is filling again, meaning, the cyst is back. What the dr hopes is that if we drain it a few more times, it will eventually stop filling and we can avoid surgery. My question is why is my thyroid doing this in the first place…so I hope to see and endocrinologist (thyroid specialist) and see what she recommends. Maybe his try it and see is the best course of action. Anyway, all that to say, although I am not excited about the thought of having my neck poked with needles again and again, I am very thankful that there were no abnormalities with the fluid…again, thank the Lord! Thank you for all your prayers!