November 23: Cabo Arrival

While Megan and I were talking this summer she asked what my plans were for Thanksgiving. Knowing that thanksgiving is so close to Christmas and that I'd be out in Portland for Christmas, I figured I probably wasn't going home for the break. So Megan invited me to go to Cabo with her family for Thanksgiving!  This is my 2nd time in Cabo with her family...however, Sarah & Karen aren't here this time (it's not the same without them).  However, we're having fun and the view is amazing.  Sunday is a pool/hang around the resort day. I'm looking forward to sleep, rest, and some fun times with a great friend!

Awake & Restless

Every now and then I have restless nights where I cannot sleep despite my body telling me I'm tired. This lack of sleep is usually due to my inability to shut off my brain. Tonight is one of those nights.

I had an unusual incident happen in class where a student (inappropriately) challenged me in front of the class. I've been replaying the choices I had in that moment. Additionally there's lots on my mind with my interim role, a conference coming up, my sister coming in town, an upcoming job search, this dissertation, and a whole slew of other things. It's in these moments when I feel most uncertain that I often find myself inpatient and trying desperately control my circumstances.

It's also in these moments that I pray, often the Jesus prayer.  It's liturgical, centering, and  a prayer of the heart (what Paul refers to when he speaks about praying without ceasing). It's also a reminder of my humanity and God's divinity.

Lord Jesus Christ, son of God
Have mercy on me a sinner.

Lord Jesus Christ, son of God
Have mercy on me a sinner. 

Lord Jesus Christ, son of God
Have mercy on me a sinner. 

...and please bring peace to my mind and spirit.

Amen.

Quick Update & Prayer Request

On Tuesday, I went to the doctor to have the MRI read.  To my surprise, the MRI revealed a cyst.  It's pretty amazing they found the cyst before it began causing me any pain (it's about 2.3 inches around) and a little shocking.  From there the doctors worked with me to scheduled ultrasounds and other appoitments to determine additional information.  After meeting with the obgyn, and after having the radiologist read the ultrasounds, they recommended I see a surgeon to have the cyst removed. 

Again, a bit of a shock.

But since Tuesday, I've had lots of people praying and I've had peace.  The doctors are pretty confident it's benign, although it is an unusual type of cyst.  I have an appointment scheduled for the 30th with a surgeon.  Depending on the type of surgery it's a 2-4 week recovery.  It's very inconvinient, but what a blessing that it was found before it caused pain or worse...burst. 

Please pray for my appointment on the 30th, that the less invasive procedure is an option or surgery, that it can be done quickly (as the semester will get more complicated), and that God will use this to bring him glory in some way. 

There are so many ways I've seen God go ahead of me in this situation already.  This is no surprise to Him even if it was to me!

Magnificent Massage

After a long academic year, I knew I needed a break, and I had been talking about getting a massage for awhile.  I looked into many places.  The health center would do an hour massage for $50...great price, but not the experience.  For my first massage, I wanted the experience!  So then I began looking for day spas.  These massages began to run $90-100.  The price made me more convinced that I wanted my money's worth.  I found the Chateau Elan.  It's a local winery with a hotel and separate spa. I was sold when I found out that when you get a service there, you can use any of the facility for free.  

The options included:

a workout facility 

fitness classes

hot tub

robes & sandals

pool with jets for swimming

steamroom

sauna

afternoon tea and snacks

showers with all the necessities

lockers

and all the little extras that made it special

The massage itself was wonderful...although with the way my back was hurting she could have spent the entire time on my back and I would have been a happy camper.  The room was softly lit, quiet instrumental music, the bed heated from beneath me, and after the massage I sat in a quiet reflection room with dim lighting, flickering candles, wonderful lounge chairs and warm blankets.

I made a day of the experience and it was lovely.  AND just what I needed, a day of quiet relaxation and pampering.  I wanted to go around and take pictures of the place but thought it would be odd, so I took a few when I could. ;)

The grounds were beautiful and overlooking a small lake.  It was a much needed day.  Although I will probably supplement my experience with some trips to the health center, I will return and treat myself to another day of pampering!

Precious Memories

Early Wednesday morning (July 6th), my grandpa went to be with Jesus.  Although I know he's no longer in pain and with his savior...my heart aches.

 

Thoughts!

My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going! I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think I am following your will doesn't mean I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you! And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this, you will lead me by the right road though I may know nothing about it. Therefore, I will trust you always, though I may seem lost, and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, you are ever with me and you will never leave me to face my perils alone!

Thomas Merton, Thoughts in Solitude

post surgery!

i survived! today is Thursday, January 24th and I am happy to say that I am done with surgery! although I was becoming quite fond of my lump, I'm glad it's gone and that the surgery is behind me.  I was admitted to the hospital on Tuesday morning at 5:45am...wowzer!  the woman who checked me in was a hoot.  Between her jacket, beanie babies, mugs, and music...all in dedication to Elvis, I felt as though I was checking into a museum.  After taking all my information she gave me an identification armband...standard for any hospital, however, the next item she gave me was a little less orthodox....a tracking device.  Yep, that's right.  They scanned the tracking device and then placed it too around my wrist.  I was told this was so they can monitor where I am at any given time.  Maybe they know I'm a chicken and thought I'd try to run away :)  From there I was went up to out patient surgery and was checked into room 223...then the waiting began.  At 6:30am a nurse came into let me know what would be happening.  She said around 7:30 someone would take me to the prep room, from there they would give me an IV and get me ready for surgery.  Before then, I had to slip into a gown, and remove all my jewelry.  This was harder than I thought.  About three years ago I had my cartilage pierced and until the 22nd of January, had never removed the earring.  Well, they wouldn't wheel me off until I removed it.  Two nurses, another random, and Karen Hall (the hall director who went with me) all attempted to help get it out...finally Karen succeeded and I was off to surgery!  Arriving in the 'recovery room' (pre-op) I waited again.  Soon a nurse and the anesthesiologist were by my bedside preparing to stick me with all sorts of needles.  The nurse looked at all my veins attempting to find the best one.  Usually having good veins, I didn't see this as a problem.  However, when they ask you not to eat or drink prior to surgery, apparently your veins shrink.  So the first attempt was at my wrist.  She first did a local anesthetic (which hurt), but then the actual IV line didn't because the site was numb.  Unfortunately, she couldn't get the IV line to float into the vein, so she had to remove it and try again in another location.  The second one was successful!  WOOHOO!  One of the anesthesiologists then came over and spoke to me about the process and asked about my nervousness.  I said I was a bit nervous and he asked if I wanted a shot of tequila.  Well...whatever he put in my IV was fabulous.  I didn't have a care in the world!  I just wish they could have given me whatever it was in pill format the night before! :)  Anyway...soon I was wheeled off to the surgery room.  From there the doctors moved me onto another table (which was freezing cold) and placed a mask on me.  The anesthesiologist was talking to me about this, that, and the other, then had me raise my right arm (which I had to think about for a bit)...I remember my arm being up for a bit and then I remember slowly waking up in the recovery room.  The nurse said my vitals were good and that they'd be moving me back to the normal room.  At this point I was stiff but not in any pain.  Shortly after returning to the room, the pain hit.  My throat was sore and I felt as though it needed to be cleared, and my neck was in more pain when I would cough.  The nurse came in about an hour later, had me take some crackers and said when I finished them I could get some vicodin...I ate those crackers like no other!  :)  She said the vicodin should make me comfortable and that I should have felt the effects in 20 minutes.  Well, 35 minutes later, I was still in pain, so another vicodin was issued on the hour.  Well... about 2 hours later...finally some relief.  The vicodin kicked in!  At that point, the nurses let me know that after I could accomplish a few easy tasks (peeing on my own and keeping liquids down), they could release me.  I was surprised!  It sounded as though I'd be going home shortly!  WOOHOO!  So about 3pm, I was on my way home!  In and out! :)  I wish I could say this meant that I was feeling fantastic, but I wasn't...but at least I was on my way home!  

today's now Friday and I'm in little to no pain.  However, I am still sore and I fatigue easily.  There are other fun stories related to this experience and I'll have to share them later...cause I'm out for now... nap time! :) 

been awhile

I know that many of you have been wondering and asking about my thyroid
and how things are going, here's a recap:

September: went to the doctor for my foot, he found a mass on my
thyroid, from there had an ultrasound
October: had a biopsy done (showing no abnormal cells)
November: had more tests run, another attempt to drain the
cyst...surgery was recommended
December: saw an endocrinologist who also recommended surgery

This brings me to yesterday.  Yesterday, I saw Dr. Lowder.  He was
fabulous!  He was personable, answered ALL my questions, and was very
knowledgeable and reassuring.  After talking for awhile, we scheduled
the surgery...for this next Tuesday (the 15th).  Although it seems
rather soon, it's probably a very good thing.  I won't have much time to
worry :)  Truly, I have had a peace about this...and from this freaked
out of needles individual...that can ONLY be a God thing. 

So this is what it will look like:
Tuesday morning at 5:45am, I will be admitted to Providence Hospital.
The surgery itself probably won't happen until 8am...oh how I love
waiting!  At that time, they will remove the right half of my thyroid.
While he's in there, he'll also check out my left side to see if he can
find any of the tiny tiny cysts...if he can, he'll also remove those.
The surgery itself should be less than an hour.  At that point they'll
move me back to a 'normal' room and allow me to recover.  When I wake
up, he said I shouldn't be in too much pain.  My throat will be sore
(from the tube they put down my throat for surgery), my neck will
obviously be sore...and I'll be on pain meds :)  At that point the
doctors will play it by ear.  He said that if I'm feeling okay by the
end of the evening, I can go home!  I am really hoping (and praying) for
this!  I have no desire to stay in a hospital any longer than necessary!
The recovery time depends on the surgery and as long as there aren't
complications, I should be feeling better by the end of the week.  He
mentioned that the biggest compliant about the surgery was general aches
and tiredness.  Overall, he said if one has to have surgery, this isn't
a bad one to have.

So...I would love it if you would pray for me (and my nerves) as I
anticipate the surgery, that everything would go quickly and smoothly
during surgery, that I'd be allowed to sleep in my own bed that night,
and that I would recover quickly and to full health (no more of this
thyroid business)...and/or anything else you would like to pray would
also be appreciated! :)  I trust that the Lord will use this experience,
as I hope he already has, to bring glory to him!  THANK YOU for your
prayers and support!

yet another visit

So on Monday, the 12th, I went back to the surgeon. He's decided enough is enough and he wants to remove the cyst and the right half of my thyroid. He wants to do this before Christmas, however, I have an appointment on December 5th with the endocrinologist (for a second opinion). All this to say, things are still pretty up in the air. I was really hoping and praying that draining it would take care of the problem. But ultimately he's concerned because it keeps coming back and apparently there is no absolute way to be sure that it's not cancerous unless you remove it. So...I'd appreciate your prayers for wisdom and guidance for the doctors as they try to figure this out and the same for me as I have to make decisions about surgeons, hospitals, etc, etc, etc. Thanks!

Late Posting

I went to the doctor the other day and got some great news…the cyst was indeed just that, a thyroid colloid nodule (cyst). Praise the Lord, what great news! In the same appointment, I also found out that the cavity is filling again, meaning, the cyst is back. What the dr hopes is that if we drain it a few more times, it will eventually stop filling and we can avoid surgery. My question is why is my thyroid doing this in the first place…so I hope to see and endocrinologist (thyroid specialist) and see what she recommends. Maybe his try it and see is the best course of action. Anyway, all that to say, although I am not excited about the thought of having my neck poked with needles again and again, I am very thankful that there were no abnormalities with the fluid…again, thank the Lord! Thank you for all your prayers!

Today's Highlights!

I just wanted to share the highlights of my day (thus far) with you!

Beginning with last week:
On Wednesday, the referral specialist called me with an appointment with a surgeon (Dr. Turney). The appointment was scheduled for this morning at 10am. When I called the surgeons office to get directions, I asked how long the procedure (FNA test) would take. She assured me that it would simply be a consultation. Not having full confidence in her or her ability to determine if it would be a consultation or FNA test, I called back the next day. That day, I spoke with another woman who also assured me that it was just a consultation. (uh huh…)

So today:
Karen Hall (one of the other hall directors) accompanied me to the appointment, in order to insure I was well taken care of; just in case they decided to start sticking me with needles. So we get there around 10, after having a little driving tour of another medical building. I begin filling out endless paperwork signing away my life.

At 10:50 we finally head back to see the doctor. As standard procedure goes, they take my weight, temperature, and of course, my blood pressure. The nurse straps on the cuff and it tightens. The pressure begins to release and…just kidding, tightens again…and again…and again. Four attempts on the right arm and three on the left and we finally have a blood pressure rate!

After going into the room, we wait again. The doctor finally comes in at 11:10ish. At that point he looks at my neck, feels around, and bluntly states that he will be performing the FNA test today. So sure enough, I panic a little. He tries to be very calming but he obviously doesn’t know my distaste for needles! He assures me it’s only going to feel like a prick and is trying to keep me occupied while they get the supplies ready. I lay back on the table and close my eyes trying to focus on my breathing and Karen’s jokes. As the doctor approaches the table he begins talking to me again at which point I opened my eyes…yikes…I looked at the doctor holding a needle in his hand. As Karen informed me later, that was only the numbing needle. Needless to say I kept my eyes closed for the rest of the procedure. So…it wasn’t the end of the world, however, definitely tricked, I felt the other (much larger needle according to Karen) go into my neck and stay there. The good news is that the lump is gone. He decided to drain the entire cyst at once. The bad news was that while they were draining the cyst, the vile filled and I had to sit and wait (with the needle in my neck) while the nurse prepared another vile to drain the remainder of the cyst. After all was said and done I took a look at the lovely liquid drained. It was brown black…which apparently is a good thing.

So now what?! I have to go back on Thursday, October 18th for a follow up…which hopefully means just that. At that time, they should also have the results and let me know how to proceed. I ask that you continue to pray for peace as I wait for these test results (more waiting, woohoo). And I thank you all for your prayers during this time.

Many of you know, but for those of you who don’t…I went to the doctor last Tuesday (September 18th) for a follow up on my toe that I had fractured back in May. At that visit, he noticed a mass on my thyroid (good catch). So I had some blood work done (my favorite thing) and my thyroid numbers were normal (.09, normal numbers are .03-5.1, but on the lower side (lower levels mean overactive thyroid).

From there they did an ultrasound (on Monday, September 24th) to determine whether or not the mass was fluid filled or solid. During the visit, it was noted that the mass looked to be a liquid filled cyst with minor debris within the cyst (ucka!). However, the test results were sent to my doctor and radiologist in order to determine the next course of action.

Which brings me to today…after much waiting I spoke with one of the nurses at my doctors office. She said that the radiologist and Dr. Blattman both agreed that I should have a biopsy preformed on the cyst. A referral specialist is suppose to call me within 72 hours in order to schedule a FNA (fine needle aspiration) test in order to determine if the cyst is benign (which Dr. Blattman said it is a good chance of being). With that said, I now get to wait.

For those of you who know me well, this experience encompasses the two things in life I love the most: waiting and needles! Overall, I’m holding it together. I have truly had a peace about this situation and I pray I will continue to have the same peace as I go through more waiting and more tests. I know that God is in control and that he holds me in his hands (Col 1:17).

More randomness:
Before this academic year began Matthew 7:7 and a Bethany Dillon song, ‘Hallelujah’ were continually brought to my attention. Matthew 7:7 says, ‘Ask and it will be given to you, seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened.’ The chorus to Bethany Dillon’s song is:

Hallelujah, hallelujah, whatever’s in front of me, help me to sing hallelujah
Hallelujah, hallelujah, whatever’s in front of me, I choose to sing hallelujah

Initially, I figured this verse and song had to do with the next steps of my life (and they probably do as well), however, they also have such practical and immediate purposes.
So why tell you all this? In part because I figured you would like to know, and in part so that you can join me in prayer as I continue through this ‘experience’. I do covet your prayers at this time! Thanks!

P.s. Anyone else think I may be allergic to Texas? :)