November 4: Rejection Sucks

Rejection is never easy, whether it's not getting a job or the loss of a relationship.  When I realized I was going to be in Athens for another year, I decided to give online dating a try.  For the last five months I had been getting to know this guy.  A little over a month ago we met up in Nashville.  We had a nice time and some great conversations but were unsure if/where things were headed.  The last few weeks had felt really promising as we had some great conversations and I felt like we were making an even deeper connection. Until I got an email yesterday that said he knew we weren't going to be more than friends.

I was shocked, especially given the last few weeks of conversation.

I also wasn't satisfied with the email and asked if we could Skype.  As difficult as it was, I was able to tell him my frustration and hurt and the impact his decisions had on me.  He apologized and I genuinely believe he meant it (& I believe he heard me), but it still doesn't mean and anger and hurt just go away.  Moreover, I was proud of myself.

Rejection sucks.  But sharing some wine with good friends and being able to process helps.

Major Life Change #2.2

So after almost six months of grieving the loss of my relationship with Shelton, with lots of prayer, love, and support, I felt like I was in a decent place...and then I got a call from a dear friend.  She started asking unusual questions about where I was, who I was with, how long I'd be there...you know the kind; the kind that mean something has happened and your friend wants to know that you're in a place to hear it.

Well, I finally made her spit it out.  My gut blurted out, "does it have something to do with Shelton, is he dating someone?"  She paused and then replied, "well, he's engaged." 

My heart sank.  What?  Really?  There weren't many other details she knew other than he had been dating her 'on and off' for seven years.  Questions filled my mind and my heart hurt.  I was confused, a bit angry, but really more hurt than anything else.  Hurt because the timeline seemed so quick, hurt because he didn't have the decency to tell me, and really hurt because in the back of my heart, I had secretly hoped after some time, he would realized what a great thing he had lost in me.

Ironically enough, the morning before I got the news I was in the shower crying and pleading God to take away my desire for him.  Not that I believe God orchestrated this (fill in the expletive) situation, but I do believe (and cling to) that he works all things together for good (hopefully my good included).  Additionally, I just heard a MercyMe song, that is now on repeat.  The lyrics are my prayer.  Please continue to pray for me as I wrestle with so many emotions (hurt, doubt, fear, frustration) and also as I seek to find closure and healing.

Move by MercyMe
I'm not about to give up
Because I heard you say
There's gonna be brighter days
There's gonna be brighter days
I wont stop, Ill keep my head up
No, I'm not here to stay
There's gonna be brighter days
There's gonna be brighter days

I just might bend but wont break
As long as I can see your face

[Chorus]
When life wont play along
And right keeps going wrong
And I cant seem to find my way
I know where I am found
So I wont let it drag me down
Oh, I'll keep dancing anyway

I'm gonna move (move)
I'm gonna move (move)
I'm gonna move

Ive got to hold 'er steady
Keep my head in the cage
Everything is about to change
Everything is about to change

This hurt is getting heavy
But I'm not about to cave
Everything's about to change
There's gonna be brighter days

I just might bend but wont break
As long as I can see your face

[Chorus]

No matter what may come
Gotta move to a different drum
No matter what life brings
Gotta move gotta move to a different beat [x2]

I just might bend but wont break
As long as I can see your face

Recent Update

Well friends, I cannot believe it's already the middle of March. Where did January go? Where did February go? For me, I spent a week in 'training' with my community leaders (who are amazing!), a week opening up the building again, teaching a class, and other job related activities. Although January seemed to fly by, February did so just as quickly.

For those of you who don't know, I submitted my letter or resignation at the end of January (effective in July sometime). This was harder than I thought it was going to be. I cried, and contrary to my sister's belief, it takes a lot to make me cry. I anticipate, however, that there will be more tears ahead in the months to come.

So although I'm trying to cherish every moment of my final days at Baylor, the time continues to fly by.

With all that said, I applied for PhD programs back in December and have been waiting patiently (truly) to hear something. Surprisingly, I've had a peace about the experience. I'm not confident that I will get into a program, but I am confident that God is in control of my life and my circumstances.

And...a couple weeks ago, I received both some exciting and disappointing news. The University of Georgia emailed me to offer me an interview for their program. This email was followed the next day by one from UCLA politely denying me a spot in their program.

So last week, I went out to Georgia. The interview went well and I should hear something in the next couple of weeks (hopefully).

Exciting times! Additionally, after Georgia I went to Chicago for a national conference and then to St. Louis for some fun with friends.

I will blog later about those trips, including pictures! :)

It's been a whirlwind week and a half, but full of great memories and I checked two more states off the list! Woohoo!

Until the next update...