Gardening

My grandpa had a green thumb.  He grew all sorts of things when they lived up on the hill: veggies, fruits, trees, flowers, and everything in between.  I wish I had that same gifting. I love flowers, and I'd love to grow my own veggies & herbs.

In the spring I bought some Lantana and Black Eyed Susans.  The Black Eyed Susan has grown like crazy and the Lantana has been a pain... well, more of an itch.  Yep, I'm one of the few individuals who breaks out in a rash if I touch the plant.  That makes pruning real fun.

However, the bigger accomplishment is a little flower that has sprouted from a seed.  That's right friends, I planted SEEDs and amazingly enough...I didn't kill them (yet).  The little plant has a fair amount of greenery and five or six little flowers.

For me, it's the simple things in life that bring me great joy.  Like walking out of my apartment and seeing my little potted garden and the most amazing little flowers that have grown from seeds planted in the dirt.  Amazing.

Grandpa's Memorial

Ten days after surgery, I was on a plane to California for my grandpa's memorial service.  It was a lovely event with family and friends remembering my grandpa's life.  Here are some pictures from the event.

A memory table was created with all sorts of favorite things or found memories of (Wilbur) Paul Rhymes' life on earth.  What a blessing he was to his family and to others.  It was neat to explain all the items to various family and friends.  He was deeply loved.

For those who know my sister, she doesn't cry very often.  Thus, when it happens, I tried to catch it on film. :)  Love her.

Our dear family friends Deana and Jessica came up from Stockton for the memorial service.  Love these people, they really are like family!  My mom and Deana have been friends since they were pregnant with my sister and Jessica.

Look, you can't even tell that I had surgery 10 days ago.  I was exhausted but so grateful for the time with my family.

On my dad's side, my sister is the youngest cousin, on my mom's side, I'm the oldest...although not hard when there are only four on my mom's side ;)

It was neat to see how many of my grandma's family came for the service, they loved Paul as much as any of us.  My grandma is the one in purple.  LOVE her and can't wait to see her at Christmas!

Major Life Changes #1-3

Lord, help me to believe in beginnings.

The last 416 days have been a struggle.  Although there have been some high moments, they have often been accompanied by sadness, grief, loss, and pain.  I know this PhD journey is a long and treacherous path, but if the next two years are anything like this last one...with all the major life changes (MLC), I think I may throw in the towel. 

And yet, most of this pain, sadness, grief, and loss have nothing to do with the PhD program.  When I first moved here, I went through the normal transitional issues (loosing professional identity, making new friends, becoming a student) not to mention the struggle to simply get out here (remember this?).  From there, my grandfather was diagnosed with terminal cancer in early August.  (MLC #1) This was hard for me to reconcile.  I was angry and frustrated with doctors who didn't find the cancer earlier.  The Lord, however, was gracious and gave many opportunities to visit with my grandpa before he went to be with Jesus in July.

As I mentioned earlier, there were also joys throughout this last year.  I moved to Athens in a committed relationship to someone I worked with and had been seeing during my last semester at Baylor.  During that time of transition he was extremely gracious and supporting.  Although we knew distance would be a struggle, we were both committed to the relationship.  However, in November, I felt like our communication began to suffer.  It was difficult to connect, but when we did, it was good!  The holidays brought more challenges as he was in Texas and I was in California and Oregon.  Shortly into the spring semester, we had some good conversations about the direction of our relationship.  Although I was feeling the stress of distance and other factors, he was quick to affirm me and the priority that both I and our relationship held....then February came and things crumbled very quickly.  I wanted so desperately to believe his intentions, but his actions and words didn't align.  It was one of the hardest things I had to do, but I broke up with him while he was out in Atlanta for a conference (MLC#2).  The months after were somewhat disastrous.  It was hard to focus, hard to concentrate, and hard to grieve the loss of a long-term relationship that had marriage potential. 

Then a few weeks ago, after my tests to determine my tailbone pain, they discovered a dermoid cyst.  The cyst (most likely) has nothing to do with my tailbone, but is serious enough to put the tailbone pain on the back burner.  The cyst is about the size of an egg and resides in my ovary.  The most recently doctor I saw wants to remove my entire ovary (MCL #3).  At word of this, I began to cry.  I asked him about chances for getting pregnant in the future.  The conversation went like this:

Me:What does this mean for having kids?
Dr: Are you trying to get pregnant?
Me: No
Dr: Are you married?
Me: No
Dr: Are you just thinking long term?
Me: I just wanna keep my options open

Although this conversation makes the Dr. out to sound insensitive, I think he was actually trying to be understanding.  From here, he said that my other ovary should kick in and I should still have no problem getting pregnant (minus other factors; thyroid, age, etc).  We talked about lots of other medical type things and scheduled the surgery for September 14th (as of now).  This may change as I am suppose to be on a plane 10 days later for my grandpa's memorial service...I should know more after my Tuesday appointment.

All this to say, this year has been rough and filled with many major life changing moments.  And through it all, there are many songs and verses that have been reminders of God's faithfulness to me throughout this extremely trying year.  I know and believe God will work all things together for his good, and yet...I am SO ready for this year to be behind me and to welcome in a new one. 

Lord, help me to believe in beginnings.

Precious Memories

Early Wednesday morning (July 6th), my grandpa went to be with Jesus.  Although I know he's no longer in pain and with his savior...my heart aches.

 

Christmas 2010 (part II)

After celebrating Christmas with my dad and the extended family, I spent the next few days with my mom's side.  Since my grandpa has yet to make a miraculous recovery, I treasure the times I get to spend with them.  Additionally, for Christmas, my mom's siblings chipped in to buy her a flight down for Christmas for which she was able to take family and medical leave.  So Sunday, I did family Christmas with my grandparents, aunt, uncle, mom, sister, and cousins.  It was such a special time.  

 I don't remember what was so funny, but I love this picture.

 Aunt Sherry and Wayne

My aunt and cousin make wrap with beautiful bows, however, sometimes they're hard to undo.  My sister to the rescue with the scissors!

 Cousins

My grandma got a blanket and a Bible with large size print for Christmas.  Both of which my grandpa tried (successfully) to borrow.  He read some out of her Bible that night, it was a precious moment with his insertions of 'yes Jesus and you know it Lord' after passages about strength or such.  It was funny enough to keep us all from sobbing as he read.

A little later, I reminded my grandpa that if he was going to borrow grandma's gifts, he should let her borrow his.  (Only he got gloves, which wouldn't fit her, and a shirt, same problem.)  He responds with, "I'll let her borrow my shirt...when she washes it...cause I'm a good husband."  He's obviously being a ham, and now has us cracking up with his sarcasm.  I later point out to him that I've obviously been looking for the wrong qualities in a guy...clearly I need to find one who will let me do his laundry.  ;)

Sunday night, my cousin Jonathan stayed around and we played Settlers...and my mom won?!  Not quiet sure how that happened. ;)

My mom and sister went back to Oregon on Monday and I stayed around until Tuesday afternoon.  Monday night, my grandma and I went on a date to see Tangled.  Cute movie, and it was fun to spend some quality time with just her!  After we had a snack before bed.  Hot chocolate and cinnamon and sugar toast will ALWAYS remind me of my grandma and grandpa Rhymes.

Tuesday morning, I made breakfast for my grandparents and for my uncle (he's staying with them to help out around the house, etc).  Swedish pancakes have been a family favorite for years, and I thought I'd find the recipe and whip some up that morning.  I feel a little tricked as the recipe was under Norwegian, which referenced French pancakes...but, my grandma had added her own writing into the cookbook making them 'Swedish'. :)  I also thought the cookbook was too funny not to include a picture.

Tuesday afternoon, my friend Kristel, former roommate, picked me up so we could hang out until my flight on Wednesday morning.  And where did we stop for lunch?!   In-N-Out!  Yumm! 

We had a wonderful visit, even though it was short.  I miss my southern California friends, Kristel being one of them!  I was bummed I couldn't get down there this year, however, grateful I was able to spend some quality time with Kristel (as her family lives in northern California).

In other news...I began to panic on Tuesday when I hadn't received email check in information for my Wednesday flight.  Long story short, apparently I didn't book the flight.  Which is odd, because I remember exactly where I was when I bought it.  In case you wanted to know, I was sitting at Common Ground parking lot on Wednesday (before Thanksgiving) in the Tiff-terra, as CG was actually closed, but their free wi-fi still worked.  I remember purchasing it before going to dinner with my friend Kelley.  I remember.  I remember.  Only, they don't.  And there was no record.  And it wasn't on my credit card.  So Tuesday night, I frantically called Alaska Airlines to double check, and to repurchase, or purchase for the first time, my flight from California to Oregon.

It was a close call, the flight was overbooked by one, me.  But thankfully, and with much prayer, I was able to get on the flight!

Oregon, here I come.

End of part two.

Celebration

My grandpa's 82nd birthday is Monday, October 11th.

A couple months ago, when he was diagnosed with cancer my family talked about doing a living memorial in celebration of his life. Often times, at funerals, people say such lovely things about the person who has passed. Unfortunately, many times those wonderful things aren't said to the person while alive.

Today my family is celebrating my grandpa's birthday and life in a sort of living memorial sort of way. They've invited people from all over. Family, friends, friends of family, even some of his doctors and hospice nurses are planning to attend.

I wish I was able to attend, unfortunately, living on the other side of the world (sometimes it feels that way), and school prevent me from being there. However, I was able to participate in the event through the creation of a video that will be played during the party.

Paul Rhymes, you are loved!

(since the video won't post...here is the YouTube link)
Happy Birthday Video!

California Dreaming

This weekend, I flew out to California to spend some time with my grandparents. Additionally, my sister found a flight and was able to join the party. We had a wonderful visit with our grandparents.

Here are some pictures from the (quick) wonderful trip.
On Sunday, my aunt, uncles, and cousins also joined for lunch. While my cousin was there, she fashioned her new work outfit. After she left, my grandma fashioned the jacket she got when she was up in Portland last time visiting my mom & sister. She needed a little coaxing, but came out parading the coat. :)
While sitting around eating dessert, my grandpa was looking at pictures on my sisters iPhone, amazed by all the things it could do.
We had to leave early Monday morning in order for my sister to catch her flight out of San Francisco. Unfortunately, both grandma & grandpa were in bed, which we thought might be the case, so we said goodbyes Sunday evening.

My dad took us to the airport on Monday. Since there was a bit of time between my sisters flight and mine, we went to Pier 39, ate sea food, visited with my Aunt Laura & Uncle Robert, and of course made a stop at In-N-Out before heading to the airport.

Although the trip was quick, I know I was extremely blessed to have been able to spend the weekend with my grandparents. Not only was the timing perfect, I was able to find a flight for around $350 with a weeks notice. Amazing. I know I am blessed to have almost 30 years of memories with my grandparents, and call me selfish, but I hope and pray that I have many many more to come!

Labor Day 2010

Since I don't work Friday's, I've been trying to determine what to do with my four day weekend. Many ideas came to mind. Visit friends in Texas. Visit friends in South Carolina. Read, study, and feel accomplished. Stay at home and veg. Or book a plane ticket at the last minute to see my grandparents on the other side of the country.

Guess which won?

In addition to seeing my grandparents this weekend, I will also get to visit with my sister! We found her a flight too (thank you Continental frequent flyer miles)! She'll be flying in on Friday evening and I'll be flying in Saturday morning (which also leaves Friday for me to bust my butt reading and such).

I am so grateful to be able to spend this time with my family, and I'm thrilled I found a flight for a decent amount of money on such short notice.

There are many other things to update on, but this was the most pressing for the moment. Thank you to those of you who continue to keep my family in your prayers during this time!

Questions

Sometimes this life just isn't fair.

I just received word that upon doing the scope, they found the cancer has spread throughout my grandpa's body.

I don't know much more than that at this point. They're going to try and make him as comfortable as possible.

This just sucks, I really didn't expect this would be the outcome.

Grandpa's Surgery

Thank you to those of you who have asked and been praying for my family. I just spoke with my grandparents and my grandpa's surgery is scheduled for this Tuesday, August 24th at 8am (pst).

The surgery will go as follows:

They'll open him up and use a camera to survey the cancerous tumor.

If they find other places where the cancer has spread, they'll close him up and make him comfortable until he leaves this earth.

If they only find the one cancerous tumor (which is what they're expecting to find) then they'll remove it, do some other work, and then patch him up.

My grandparents are in good spirits and trust that God will use whatever outcome for his glory. My grandpa finds every opportunity to share his story of God's love; this is just another opportunity to do that.

I'm obviously praying it's just a cancerous tumor, that it can be removed with ease, for a quick recovery, and to restore my grandpa to full health.

I (and my family) would appreciate your prayers. Thank you.

Grandpa Update

Last Friday my grandpa went in for a PET scan to determine if the cancer had spread. If it had they were going to cancel the surgery scheduled for this coming Monday. The doctors said if they didn't hear anything, that it meant the surgery was a go.

On Thursday, my grandpa went in for a blood transfusion as the cancer is causing him to loose blood. Still no word on canceling the surgery. No news is good news.

Well, yesterday they let him know that there was something unusual about the scan and that they want to do a biopsy of his lymph nodes before they remove the cancer.

So on Thursday, they will do a biopsy and then determining a course of action.

I'm not even sure how to pray. Selfishly I want him around for many more years, healthy years. So I pray for healing and wisdom for the doctors. But I don't want him in pain. And I know that this is part of life. No one lives forever. So I just pray that God uses any outcome.

It just sucks.

Perspective

After writing my previous post, I got in the car and headed to pick up a friend for dinner. A song was playing on the radio. Frankly, I don't remember which one. However, it put things in perspective for me.

My grandpa had a massive heart 'something' (not a stroke and not an attack) my senior year of college, right before graduation. The paramedics spent the entire way to the hospital trying to revive him. The doctors at the hospital continued to try to resuscitate him. After awhile, the head doctor said, let's give it one more try. Miraculously, my grandpa was revived.

He spent the next couple of weeks in the hospital undergoing tests, etc. When my grandpa came to he wasn't very pleased to be here on earth. He told an amazing story about his journey to heaven. Honestly, if it wasn't coming from my grandpa, I'm not sure I'd believe he made a trip to heaven and came back. After moving through frustration and realizing God must have a purpose for bringing him back, he's been a faithful witness of his experience and of God to everyone he comes in contact with.

A couple weeks ago, my grandpa found out he had a mass in his abdomen. After running tests, they found it to be cancerous. The doctors at his hospital don't want to do surgery because of his heart, however, they informed him of a doctor who might be willing at UCDavis.

On Monday, he met with the UCDavis doctor. The prognosis is hopeful. On Friday, they will run a test to see if the cancer has spread. If it has not, then the doctor will preform the surgery to remove the cancer on July 12th. If it has spread, they will try and make him comfortable the remainder of his days on earth.

When my grandpa made a comment about wanting to live, but being content with also meeting Jesus again, the doctor replied, "don't you think God has enough people in heaven and could use you here on earth a little longer?"

My grandpa loves God, but I'm not sure I'm ready to let Him take him yet :)

So listening to the song this evening made me stop and pray for my grandpa. Additionally, the song made me think of the ridiculousness of my last post. I'm not sure God really cares about my teeth or my immunizations, but I do believe he cares because his child cares/worries about those little insignificant details of life.

But even more-so, I care about my grandpa and as I stop to pray for him, I'm reminded that life is a gift, even the seemingly insignificant, frustrating, and stressful parts. :)

9 To Go!

I love traveling.

I want to visit all 50 states, I'd like to see them all before I'm 30. However, since I'm knocking on that door and still have nine to go, that may be a bit unrealistic.

When my mom was in town, we decided to head to Louisiana in order to cross a state off my list. After entertaining varying ideas, we decided to head to New Orleans (where else would you visit in LA?). In looking up New Orleans, I saw that it appeared to be a quick jaunt over to Mississippi (specifically, where my grandpa was raised) and only a hop skip and a jump to Alabama.

My mom arrived on Thursday late afternoon, and Friday morning we were off and running (or rather driving). With my handy new toy (iPhone) and some directions we were heading to New Orleans. After hours of driving (it only takes 8 if you don't get lost or miss a direction or two), we arrived at our hotel. Deciding we would rather sleep and then get up early the next day, we hit the hay.

Saturday morning, we awoke and hit the road early. The plan was to drive to Picayune, Mississippi first and visit where my grandpa was born and raised. However, after missing another turn off, we kept going straight and headed toward a famous garden in Alabama with a pit stop at the Gulf along the way. Mid afternoon we headed toward Picayune (only about an hour drive from Alabama and 50 minutes from New Orleans). Even though much of what my grandpa remembers from his childhood is no longer in Picayune, it was neat to drive around and find the locations of places he used to play and visit.

That night we headed into New Orleans. What a neat city! The architecture is beautiful, the music is contagious (well, some of it), and the city was 'alive'. I couldn't believe how many boas, masks, beads, and other costume jewelry we saw in OCTOBER. Oh...and Bourbon street. Crazy. At one point, we were driving around and I got caught in a long line of traffic. Not fully realizing what was going on, I kept inching my way to the front. Upon reaching the front of the line, I realized, I was going to have to drive across Bourbon street, and a particularly busy portion of it! I felt mostly confident that I could get through, after all, I learned how to agressively drive in southern California, I just hoped it would not be at the cost of any body parts. However, a nice man decided to try and help the traffic stop so that I could cross.

Bourbon street...not my favorite.

Sunday morning, before leaving New Orleans, we wanted to experience Cafe De Monde (sp?) and the famous beignets (ben-yays). Unfortunately, the line for CDM was ridiculous, so having looked up additional places the night before, we headed to a local favorite, Morning Call. Although it was more difficult to find then the website foretold, it was a great experience one I am glad we partook in! Walking into the restaurant, it looked like an old dinner with the servers wearing matching attire. The coffee and beignets were wonderful...especially considering they bring you a powdered sugar shaker so you can powder your beignets to your liking.

Even the trip was short, it was a great time visiting with my mom, seeing new states, and experiencing some pieces of my families history. :)

Three more down, nine to go!

Believe it or not, it says welcome to Louisiana or something of the sort (this is an action shot) although it apparently looks like there would have been plenty of road to pull over...or maybe that was an on-ramp.

This was the first time my mom had been to the Gulf. It was a beautiful day outside! And NO humidity, which is a GREAT day in my book!

These were the beautiful gardens we stopped at. One of my favorite things about this place was the automated tour guide. You could call a number and they would give you more information than you could ever hope for about the gardens. I am a nerd and just love that kind of random information. For example, on the great lawn, they have over 4,000 flowers planted along the edge. Every season (4 times a year) they completely replace all 4,000 flowers with some sort of seasonal selection. Wow.

It was a beautiful day!

My mom is an avid photographer and she enjoyed taking pictures of all sorts of flora and fauna. Oh, and she's got a really great eye for finding a shot. Me, I'm more of a people picture person. Say that three times fast. :)

There was a sign as we entered picayune that said something funny and it related to Jesus. I wish I could remember what it said, and better yet, I wish I had gotten a picture. It cracked us up!

So my first experience with Waffle House was in Picayune, Mississippi. I suppose I will never forget it for multiple reasons. The cheesy eggs, the strawberry waffles, or maybe the people. It was a unique experience and I would be interested to know how much of it was because we were eating at a waffle house and how much of it was because we were in Picayune.

Does this place not scream cute and quaint?! It was wonderful! And oh yummm, the coffee and beignets were wonderful (did I mention I like powdered sugar?!).

So that's our little adventure that we took. Crazy quick, but so enjoyable. Here are the nine states that I have still to cross off the list. Some of them, I hope/plan to cross off soon, others are going to take some time. :)

Connecticut

Rhode Island

North Carolina

South Carolina

Georgia

Kentucky

Missouri

Hawaii

Alaska