January 8: Deadlines for Graduation

I was back at Starbucks working and writing, surprise, surprise.  Part of what I did was add all the deadlines for graduation forms to my planner.  This one, however, was the most exciting to add!

Incarnation: Presence, Sacrifice, and Love

When I was a hall director, July was full of training.  We'd learn protocols and processes for everything from move in, to changing light bulbs, to emergency situations, to conflict resolution... and eventually to move out.  I loved working in housing.  There were rarely dull days, and being able to live-in was a wonderful opportunity to see students at their best and worst, and visa-versa.  As I would prepare for the upcoming year, physically, emotionally, and spiritually, God would often give me a verse or song that would somehow be exactly what I needed for that season.

As another, and hopefully final, school year (at least for me as-student) approaches, I've been asking God to reveal truth through scriptures or songs.

One of my songs from last year was by Steven Curtis Chapman, Definition of Me. The song is included below.  These words spoke deep meaning to me and reminded me to find my worth and value in Christ...despite the many, many, things that were telling me to find my worth elsewhere (i.e., what others think of me; if I pass prelims; if I defend before/after so-and-so).  So as this year was approaching, I began looking for, and asking God to reveal something to me for this upcoming year.

And then it hit me.  Staring me straight in the face, literally.  On my bathroom mirror I had three words, presence, sacrifice, and love.

Last Christmas I was up in Portland and we were headed to my sister's church for service (when I'm up there, we usually rotate between mom's church & CJ's).  Anyway, I remember the music being loud (I think my mom may have even pulled out her phone for a decibel count) and the young pastor who looked like he belonged in Portland (e.g., skinny jeans, sweater).  Although I cannot remember everything from that service, I remember him talking about incarnation and what it meant for Jesus to become flesh and dwell among us.  He spoke that for Jesus, incarnation was really about three things: presence, sacrifice, and love.

For me, those words resinated for weeks to come.  So much that when I was finally home, I wrote them on my mirror & dry eraser board (yes, it's been cleaned since January... I just keep rewriting those words).  I want them to be a reminder for me to live like Jesus did.  He knew he came to make the ultimate sacrifice, and yet, he lived in the present making the most of his days.  Furthermore, his sacrifice was out of the most amazing love, a love that surpasses my understanding.

Thus, as I broach another academic year that is guaranteed to be challenging and celebratory, my hope is to practice presence when I'm with people, look for ways to sacrifice my time and resources, and love others, even when it's difficult.

Now I need to go practice some presence with my dissertation.


Definition of Me
Here come those words again
I run for cover, I’m dodging them.
But still they seem to find their way
around my best defense
Here come those little thoughts
of all I ought to be but I’m not
I try talking to myself
but I’m still not convinced
I’m good, I’m bad, I’m everything in between oh
I’m this, I’m that, but really God we both know

Chorus
It is Your love that defines me
and Your love that reminds me
it’s not what I do
This life I live, You have given
and in You I am hidden
This is what I know is true
that the definition of me is You

This ladder never ends
I climb up then we slide down again
Still they say you’ve not arrived
until you reach the top
But Your kingdom’s upside down
it is the servant who wears the crown
First is last and last is first
and You’re all that I’m not
‘Cause I’m weak, You’re strong, I’m empty ‘til You fill me
I sing this song to keep myself remembering
[Chorus] 

I have been made by You
I have been saved by You
All that I am is all because of You
I’m weak, You’re strong, I’m empty but You fill me
I’m singing this song to keep myself remembering

[Chorus]

Facebook

My friend Sarah has decided to take a facebook hiatus. It's something I've been thinking about recently, and with her conversion, I'm more strongly considering this. Here are some of the pro's and con's:

Pro: less wasted time

Con: inability to connect with friends/family whom I rarely see/talk to

Pro: more time to study for the GRE

Con: loss of word twist against friends

Pro: less time feeling emotionally connected to people I have no true friendship with in real life

Con: overall social networking

Well, it looks like the cons would have it, however, my lack of discipline in this area tips the scale in favor of the pros.

Why is it that discipline in this area is so difficult? Why is it I can be extremely disciplined in some areas of my life and not in others? For example, I am a good budgeter, and usually adhere to my budget. In 2006, I made a 5 year budge (through 2011). Crazy, I know. But it's great, and I've been able to accomplish a lot of things, fiscally, and am fairly disciplined with my money. Additionally, I'm pretty disciplined when it comes to TV (which I watch rarely), exercise (which I do rather consistently), and food (gotta watch those partially hydrogenated items).

However, when it comes to the internet and particularly facebook, I have little to no discipline. I looked through my history and from April 9th until today, I've visited facebook 1169 times (on my mac). Now this includes changing between individuals profiles, photos, etc; however, that is still ridiculous. And this doesn't include the number of times I've visited on my pc (at work). Now I would love to say that I'd be disciplined enough to do a hiatus like Sarah, but I'm not sure it's possible.

For me, it's all or nothing. So I'm contemplating deactivating my account. Permanetly, you might ask? I'm not sure. It is a fabulous tool for social networking, but it has clearly taken up way too much of my time. If each time I visited facebook, those 1169 times, I spent only 30 seconds on it, I wasted roughly 10 hours of my life...in a month, less than a month.

Wow. Some serious decisions need to be made. ;)